I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
