just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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