singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
