The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I touched a dick in church today
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
