Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
