maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
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