i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
