So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
