Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
jump out the window naked night went bad
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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