I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
