I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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