I didn't shave. On purpose
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
