mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
