I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
