you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
