dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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