I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
