i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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