How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
