Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
