Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
