either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
