I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
It's blow job season.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
