god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
