WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
