If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Swine flu is the new snow day.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
