I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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