So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
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