I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
