he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
