chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
