I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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