I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I just sucked dick on a ferry
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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