Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
