I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
