i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Randomize
