summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Randomize
