Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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