You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
