I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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