Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
