His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Randomize
