i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
