if i can run in heels then i can drive
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
How's work?
Spinning.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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