pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
