I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
