dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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