dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
