I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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