He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Randomize
