The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
