his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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