I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
