There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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