Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
