Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
