i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
