You made me cry and you don't even care
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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