We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
